I was going to start off by explaining what sparked my interest in blogging, but something else has come up. It's come to my attention the last week or so how lonely I feel. Yes, I have a wonderful family and I have friends, but every day is a struggle. Unfortunately, some of my friends went other directions my freshman year and I can honestly say that I probably would have considered following if I didn't have my faith. While my freshman year was a terribly tough time in my life, I would not trade it because it taught me so much. I still have those friends, but it's really tough to not have a constant support system at school. I have friends at youth group, but I only see them a maximum of three days a week. People at youth group challenge me in different ways as well, because most of us know the problems we are each facing day to day. Loving people where they're at without receiving anything in return is more than okay, don't get me wrong, but I do not have much inflow. I attempt to replenish my "cup" so to speak with daily devotionals, prayer, and service outside church, but sometimes I need the support of peers my age. It's a domino effect: the people who know what love feels like concentrate on those who don't. The people who don't know that love may start to feel it, but are also battling internally (and possibly externally as well), which distracts them from loving others in return. They may not not know how to love others back yet either, which is totally fine. By doing this, though, those people giving the love do not focus on loving one another. One time, the Sunday after getting back from a week long excursion to Wyoming with the youth group, a friend of mine seemed to be ignoring me. Are they mad at me? I thought and later asked. Their response was that they wanted to focus on the people who weren't on the trip and who didn't experience the community we did. As lovely as that is, did I experience their love and encouragement? No, and neither did the people on the trip. Those of us that understand love no longer receive it. It's a cycle, and let me tell you, it's not fruitful. What I'm getting at is that I don't feel like I have a place where I am pouring into others while being poured into as well, at least for now.
Scratch that. I do. I do have friends that care about me (Christians or otherwise). Even with them though, I have noticed a trend. "Emory, you don't get it." I hear it all the time. Here are a few I've heard: "Emory, you don't get it, you're a teenager." "Emory, you don't get it, you're an underclassmen." "Emory, you don't get it, you're from Boulder." "Emory, you don't get it, you have a good family." "Emory, you don't get it, you're white.""Emory, you don't get it, you're smart." "Emory, you don't get it, you're skinny." "Emory, you don't get it, your family is well off." "Emory, you don't get it, you're American." "Emory you don't get it, you're a Christian." I get more than they know. I fully accept that I will never understand their lives because, put simply, I don't live their lives. But by stating that I don't get it, they imply that I will never get it and that more importantly, that they think I'm not trying to get it. I try every day. And every day I'm told that I'm an outsider. Thank goodness for God. I would lose my mind without Him. I came home last night and did my devotional, prayed, and reflected on this whole thing. Make no mistake, I'm actually thankful for all of this. Christ is my best friend! Could it get better than that? No, no it could not. Praise.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful and I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
